Published: Wednesday, October 19, 2016 10:58 AM
Written by Katie Tyson
Sitting still has never been my forte. For that matter, neither has been moving at the speed of “normal” - whatever that is. When I was Callen’s age, my dad used to joke about my ability to play the Minute Waltz in 30 seconds. Because even as a six year-old I had the keen sense that there were things to do, places to go and people to see. So why would I take a full sixty seconds to do what could easily be accomplished in half that time?
Much to my father’s (and anyone else who shared my orbit) dismay, aging didn’t mellow me. Somewhere between kinetic and frenetic, my energy level was often my most visible personality trait. Had ADHD been a “thing” in the ‘70s and ‘80s, it most certainly would have been my “thing”. But it wasn’t – and so, thankfully, I was allowed to bop, zoom, flit and- yes, occasionally flounder - through life with labels no more pejorative than “rambunctious”, “feisty”, “ambitious” and “spirited” attached to my persona. And this was all before discovering that first delicious drop of caffeine to (jet)fuel my drive.
So this is who I am. Or was. And would likely have continued to be - rather easily and unashamedly so, I might add – if not for Callen’s cancer. So for what is to follow, I feel the need to apologize. Because I don’t want to admit this: not to myself, and certainly not to others. And I don’t want to be judged: not by myself, and definitely not by others. And most importantly, I don’t want to make this about me. But truth be told - which is all I’ve ever tried to do in this space - these past few months have damn near been the death of me. And circumstances being what they are, trust me when I say that I do not use words like that lightly. Or even euphemistically.
But being static is exhausting. Going nowhere is excruciating. Doing the same thing every day and hoping for a different outcome – well, that’s the textbook definition of insanity!
And I just couldn’t take it anymore.
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