Medicine is an amalgamation of science and art. There is a time and place for facts, numbers, statistics and protocols. But in my personal as in my professional life, things of science are often tempered (if not overrun) by things of sensitivity.
Yesterday was another chemotherapy visit. Surprisingly, I look forward to these.
In the days leading up to clinic (in this case, 3 days since our last visit), we are vigilant. We can’t look at Callen and necessarily know what’s going on in his body. Sure, there are tell-tale signs that require immediate action – pains, bleeding, bruising, fevers- but this has been a quiet few days. And so we surmise he is OK, but we can’t really say. Until we’ve been told.
Fifteen years ago, the words of a Chicago Tribune column were put to lyric by Baz Lurhmann in his hit spoken word song, “Wear Sunscreen”. The song was based on an essay penned by Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Mary Schmich, in which she authors a commencement speech she’s never actually been asked to deliver. Perhaps because I was nearing yet-another graduation, or maybe because- in usual Top 40 fashion - the song saturated the airwaves until we wanted to “wear earplugs”, Schmich’s piece found a permanent home in my psyche. In the decade and a half since, one particular line would periodically pop to mind, generally at a time when I needed to perform a self-check and reassess where my focus and energy was being directed:
“The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.”
And so it was, on a Tuesday afternoon that, in all honesty had been anything BUT idle, I found myself in the ER with Callen. I barely recognized the child thrashing in my arms, unable to get comfortable, sweat beading on his forehead from the fever and the constant motion. For a child of such even temper, sweet disposition, and no shortage of kind loving words, his screams of pain, his repeated requests to “make it stop” made my heart do just that.
We were about to be blindsided.
Callen's loving this song, so I thought I'd post a quick journal entry so he can listen to it whenever he likes.
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